Best I Never Had

Due to the most recent series of unfortunate events that make up my love life, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll be single forever. No but really, single forever. Lonely by Speaker Knockerz is the soundtrack to my life.

Which, on the grand scheme of things, doesn’t seem so bad. You don’t have to answer to anyone except yourself and you have time to explore, experience, and indulge in all that life has to offer. Alone.

I’m talking out of my ass entirely because I’m 100% a relationship person but I tend to find myself in some wild situations to say the least. I take part of that back. I miss the companionship and connection of relationships, not the fuckery that comes along with it. I’ve also lost sight of myself and have hit some pretty bad lows in relationships. They’re bittersweet.

In almost all instances, it’s the same pattern whenever I take time out to get to know someone. More often than not, they come on too strong, which for some girls is a plus but for me I think I value the chase when it comes to guys. Let me know that your interested, but don’t sweat me. Drop hints that make me question whether you want it, but don’t be too persistent. I think the mystery in the chase makes it that much more exciting. It’s much more appealing when you have to fight for it. Keep me guessing. I want to put the sly guy/wink Emoji here for effect. Who the fuck am I flirting with though, myself? Anyways, continue reading..

The guys can’t take all the heat though, I know I come with baggage of my own. I’ve heard it all..

I’m mean and have the tendency to be bitchy. Hmmm.. might be some truth in that, I’m a little bit of a firecracker. I just don’t take people’s shit. 

I’m too “friendly.” (God forbid I speak when spoken to..)

I’m hella moody. Or, more so fickle. I am never quite clear what it is I want. 

I’m too wild. Facts though, I’m a wild card. I’ll go ahead and take that L. 

In my defense, my idea/example of relationships has always been a bit skewed. It’s all a learning experience though. When you know better, you do better. I’ve always recognized truth in the line, “bad decisions, good intentions.” That 100% appliScreen Shot 2015-02-06 at 11.37.03 AMes to me in more ways than one. I have a lot of kindness and love in my heart but it doesn’t always come across that way.

One thing I’ve realized is this: even if you’re not confident in what you bring to the table, never shoot yourself in the foot by telling the given individual your worst qualities. I’ve done that before in a sense that I try to warn people of my downfalls before they’re in too deep. If the person likes you and admires your positive qualities, don’t create something that isn’t there. Don’t give them a reason to run the other way when you guys just started the marathon.

I guess I’m taking these next couple months to establish a sense of independence. A work in progress. In the meantime, I’ll be doing single things like going to restaurants alone and binge watching Netflix series. On the bright side, I can always get a cat for company.. right?

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