I always get so annoyed when I get a rush of inspiration at the least convenient time during the day. It’s always the times when I’m moving a thousand miles a minute and don’t have the time to type a phrase, thought, or idea I’m thinking in that moment. When I go back to write a post, the wording is never as good as my initial phrasing. Little nuances.
This past week has been eventful overall. I’ve been in the company of so many people: indulging in small talk, friendly conversation, and completely ignorant, hysterical banter between my friends and I. It made me miss those I’m able to have a genuine conversation with. As outspoken and outgoing as I can be, I do have the tendency to stay to myself a lot of the time. I’ve been a commuter for most of my college career and I just never really thought of staying and getting involved on campus. That has honestly been the least of my priorities. Over the past few years or so, I’ve grown to realize the beauty in independence. People always say I look so mad or upset in school, it’s just this chronic bitch face. Don’t feel bad for me when I’m by myself.. that’s by choice.
I’ve had to catch my facial expression when people go out of their way to indulge in small talk. Almost always, I hit them with the: “why are you talking to me?” mean mug. In general, people tend to get so uncomfortable with silence. I say all of this to ask, is it a bad thing to like being alone so much? The past two months, I’ve been living by myself and I’ve grown to realize how important it is to establish and really acknowledge the relationship you have with Y O U. Minus your peers. Minus social media. Minus the influence of everything out there. When you have time to reflect on you and only you, you learn things about yourself you never took the time to discover. Some good and some bad. I’m always stressing that the most crucial and significant relationship you can have is with yourself. It’s also the hardest. I keep finding out new shit about myself on the daily.
I’m always joking about being single. Always poking fun at my very bae-less lifestyle. It’s all pretty funny to me but I’m honestly beginning to wonder if I would even be in a position to willingly focus on anyone but myself right now. You know when everything in your life seems to fall into place perfectly and you’re finally in a space where you’re not trippin’ over anyone? I’m just genuinely happy right now. I don’t really want to switch things up at the moment. That being said, I have to be careful though. When you think you have this whole life thing figured out the universe is bound to check the fuck out of you.