3 AM thoughts on 3 hunnid

I’m really good at not being able to control my thoughts when my mind races at night. Overthinking is a biiiiiiitch. 

This blog is so bittersweet sometimes. I love everything about it. It’s done so much for me; providing substance, purpose, and motivation. Writing has always been super therapeutic for me so it’s hard wanting to discuss certain things, but having to hold back. I walk such fine line between what I choose to expose and what I keep private. There’s no huge reveal that I need to make to the world but something about hearing feedback and reassurance just feels.. for lack of a better word, good sometimes. That validation. Discussion about a single given thought/feeling/emotion can put your heart at ease. Sometimes you need to get that one thing out just so you can inhale, exhale.

tumblr_nj4m6uZjWU1u9xxtro1_1280In general, I write a lot about how I’ve embarked on a transitional period in my life.Where you feel the pressure of having to figure out what you’re going to do with the rest of your life in a span of four years. That pressure of needing to have your life planned out. All the while, still trying to establish a general sense of YOU. How can I possibly tell you what I’m going to be doing in four years when I  severely struggle to pick a color at the nail salon every single week? I don’t know, man. Weird world we live in. 

Today was my first day off from work in like a week and a half and I spent it doing absolutely nothing. Mostly blogging, reading, eating (of course), and while I was on Twitter, I stumbled across a Youtube video from a user by the name of Shameless Maya. The tweet from author, Alex Elle, mentioned the following: “this video resonated with me for a number of reasons. we live in a social media driven world. so it’s easy to get lost in what is shown online.”

The video ultimately discusses this one woman’s winding career path leading up to her current job: receiving compensation for Youtube videos. She essentially gets paid to record clips, speaking on a variation of content and topics. She explains how she bounced around from Toronto, California, Vancouver, and NYC listing all the odd jobs she’s performed over the past few years. Never really having a sense of what she was truly meant to do in life. With no degree, she’s managed to make a career for herself, establish a sense of financial independence, and create a admirable life for herself with a new loft in Los Angeles. Talk about achieving the fucking dream. The goal has always been to make it to LA by 23.

That’s why I’m so skeptical about school. Your hear about so many people who become incredibly successful without completing school. For beginners, school is not for everyone and it’s definitely not for me. In my mind, it’s just a necessary evil in order to be successful in life.. for the most part. I never want to sound ungrateful because I understand education is a luxury. A privilege. It’s something that I should be thankful for. Longterm, I have no doubt that I’ll learn to appreciate it. I guess that’s that inner child in me still expressing my resentful, anti-school rebellion. Yet, here I am in my junior year of college.. still complaining, but also half way done. Just. Keep. Swimming. 

All in all: 1) College is sus. 2) Success is within reach. 3) Continue to remain consistent. 4) Always stay hungry. 5) Dedication breeds (positive) results. 6) Beyoncé had the greatest video of all time. 7) All guys do is lie and play 2K.

No, but seriously.. speak (or in my case, write) your dreams into existence. 

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